Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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