I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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