Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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