and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
