I hope mine doesn't look like that
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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