i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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