I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
