Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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