I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate all girls vehemently.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
