The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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