worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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