Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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