"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
