He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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