So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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