The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
