I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
