its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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