rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
