forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize