hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I did not marry a roomba.
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