We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
