I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
