Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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