i permit you to call me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
