we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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