I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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