Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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