I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
