If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my god I love twenty year old dicks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
