i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All the doctor said was why
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
