I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
