smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
