You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
