i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
