remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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