no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
