Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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