You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
