I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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