Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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