hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
