4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think my fart just growled at me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
jump out the window naked night went bad
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