Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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