My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
