So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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