he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
