just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
