Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
