weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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