we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
