Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
